When you give a command to your dog, he might wonder "why?" but doesn't have the vocal apparatus, and maybe not the intellectual capacity to ask, or dispute. Kids are the same way, but they soon enough become old enough to ask "why?" without having the intellectual capacity to understand the reasons and the interactions between them. So, at early ages "because I said so" is fine.
When Sputnik was launched, I was ten years old. My dad tried to explain why it didn't fall down. I didn't have the intellectual capacity to understand his explanation, and if I had insisted on him going into detail I would have become confused instead of enlightened. He could have expounded at length about conservation of momentum and energy, but I had no idea what those were, and it took years to come to understand them. He eventually settled on "because it's going fast, and the Earth is round, it's continually falling around the Earth instead of down onto it." There are things you simply cannot learn in one evening because understanding them requires already having learned other things. Same with kids on many other topics. Eventually on many topics, instead of "because I said so" my dad would say "when you know a few more things I can explain why." At early ages "because I said so" was fine.
John implicitly posed the question "where and when do parents learn how to be parents?" In rural agrarian societies where nearly everybody had the same job, and they all had to work together, adults and children, just to survive, they learned from each other. And they all went to church and learned from the church elders — some of whom had really bad ideas but mostly they were good. We don't have that situation any more, so we depend upon our schools, which are too busy ruining society to preserve it.
John, I find it ironic that a person who promotes critical thinking would find "because I said so" an acceptable answer to a young child. As a parent, I made sure not to resort to that. At the minimum, I would rather respond "because you are the child and I am the parent". I think it's a better implication in avoiding the child's thought of "you're not the boss of me" tendency.
Your answer to Q1 misses the foundational question of WHO is asking? and WHY? Those questions have to be posed and answered prior to your answers. Young children have a sense of wonder and this is when "there is a God" should be taught. IMHO. Also, God bless you as #1 child of a large family, you won the "help the parents raise the others" slot
Sometimes "Because I said so" is an acceptable answer for young children, but I agree it should not be the answer of first resort. As parents we need to be teaching even young children right and wrong and always resorting to "Because I said so" doesn't teach children right and wrong (plus it makes parents lazy). But sometimes time and circumstances don't allow for anything else and that needs to be the answer. That's not all bad either. It does teach respect for authority.
This is an interesting essay on an important topic.
I was talking with my Spanish teacher in Antigua, Guatemala this week via Microsoft Team. It works well. At 85, I am still studying German and Spanish.
She has four daughters ages 19 to 32. They all live with her according to Guatemalan custom. None have children. Three have careers as Spanish teachers. I am going to take some lessons from the daughters to learn what their generation is thinking.
The news from China is that nearly 50% of the women don't plan on having children. Too busy. Too expensive.
So, this essay John Droz has written on parenting is important for adults who are struggling to raise children in today's complex world.
When you give a command to your dog, he might wonder "why?" but doesn't have the vocal apparatus, and maybe not the intellectual capacity to ask, or dispute. Kids are the same way, but they soon enough become old enough to ask "why?" without having the intellectual capacity to understand the reasons and the interactions between them. So, at early ages "because I said so" is fine.
When Sputnik was launched, I was ten years old. My dad tried to explain why it didn't fall down. I didn't have the intellectual capacity to understand his explanation, and if I had insisted on him going into detail I would have become confused instead of enlightened. He could have expounded at length about conservation of momentum and energy, but I had no idea what those were, and it took years to come to understand them. He eventually settled on "because it's going fast, and the Earth is round, it's continually falling around the Earth instead of down onto it." There are things you simply cannot learn in one evening because understanding them requires already having learned other things. Same with kids on many other topics. Eventually on many topics, instead of "because I said so" my dad would say "when you know a few more things I can explain why." At early ages "because I said so" was fine.
John implicitly posed the question "where and when do parents learn how to be parents?" In rural agrarian societies where nearly everybody had the same job, and they all had to work together, adults and children, just to survive, they learned from each other. And they all went to church and learned from the church elders — some of whom had really bad ideas but mostly they were good. We don't have that situation any more, so we depend upon our schools, which are too busy ruining society to preserve it.
Van: TY for your always interesting comments.
John, I find it ironic that a person who promotes critical thinking would find "because I said so" an acceptable answer to a young child. As a parent, I made sure not to resort to that. At the minimum, I would rather respond "because you are the child and I am the parent". I think it's a better implication in avoiding the child's thought of "you're not the boss of me" tendency.
Your answer to Q1 misses the foundational question of WHO is asking? and WHY? Those questions have to be posed and answered prior to your answers. Young children have a sense of wonder and this is when "there is a God" should be taught. IMHO. Also, God bless you as #1 child of a large family, you won the "help the parents raise the others" slot
Sometimes "Because I said so" is an acceptable answer for young children, but I agree it should not be the answer of first resort. As parents we need to be teaching even young children right and wrong and always resorting to "Because I said so" doesn't teach children right and wrong (plus it makes parents lazy). But sometimes time and circumstances don't allow for anything else and that needs to be the answer. That's not all bad either. It does teach respect for authority.
Bill: TY for your views. Please watch the linked video for a more detailed explanation about this matter.
Linda: TY for sharing your views. Re the "because I said so" please watch the video I linked in the text. The parent IS the boss, aren't they?
Yes, regarding your second comment, I purposefully left that open. The fact that a question is being asked implies that there is an asker.
This is an interesting essay on an important topic.
I was talking with my Spanish teacher in Antigua, Guatemala this week via Microsoft Team. It works well. At 85, I am still studying German and Spanish.
She has four daughters ages 19 to 32. They all live with her according to Guatemalan custom. None have children. Three have careers as Spanish teachers. I am going to take some lessons from the daughters to learn what their generation is thinking.
The news from China is that nearly 50% of the women don't plan on having children. Too busy. Too expensive.
So, this essay John Droz has written on parenting is important for adults who are struggling to raise children in today's complex world.
John: TY for your support. Although I am writing about parenting, the two Life questions posed apply to everyone, parent or not.