Back-to-School Sanity: Start Parenting, Stop Helicoptering

More Critical Thinking about Parenting

I occasionally repost another author’s column that I believe is consistent with my Critical Thinking objective.

This is a good example from respected parenting guru John Rosemond…

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As should be widely known by now, I take requests.

“Can you give us some back-to-school tips?” asks Geraldine, mother of three.

Yes, Geraldine, I can, and will, the first such tip being…

Tip #1: Get over your child

It is my civic responsibility to inform you that your child is not without fault. And yes, your child is capable of “it,” whatever it is. Your child, like all human progeny, is capable of lying, stealing, bullying, disrespecting, vandalism, etc..

In and of itself, bad behavior doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Sometimes, because free will is a wild card, decent people raise indecent people.

If a teacher says your child did so-and-so, there’s a 98 percent chance the teacher is 100 percent spot on and even if she’s only 85 percent spot on, which is about as low as it gets, it is important that children see solidarity among the adults who care for them, so support your child’s teacher when she says he isn’t a candidate for sainthood.

Tip #2: Make it clear to your child that disobedience, disrespect, and anti-social behavior of any sort at school are not options

Teachers consistently report that their favorite students are not necessarily those who make the best grades, but those who pay attention, obey the rules, and do their best (whatever their “best” may be).

Good behavior begins in the home, not at school, and not even the best teacher can discipline a child who comes to school not already respectful of adult authority.

Make the rules of proper behavior clear to your child, and when the rules are broken, enforce with a firm, even hand. Research finds that a child’s level of self-control is positively associated with school achievement.

Tip #3: Assign your child a fair share of day-to-day housework

Again, teachers tell me that the best students are usually those who have daily chores at home. It makes sense, doesn’t it, that a child who comes to school already accustomed to accepting assignments at home will have fewer problems accepting assignments from teachers?

The more responsible a child is within his or her family, the more responsibility the child will demonstrate in the classroom.

Tip #4: Limit electronic entertainment to non-school days, and allow no more than five total hours a week

The research is increasingly unequivocal: screen time of any sort decreases attention span. Learning from a real-life, flesh-and-blood teacher requires being ready to ask questions, being ready to answer questions, memorizing, conducting independent inquiry, transferring what you’ve learned to paper, listening to the teacher’s feedback concerning your work, and correcting your mistakes.

As for television alone, a researcher once found that truly gifted children tended to watch no more than five hours of television a week. The national average is 25 hours per week per child, which is simply to say if you want your child to be average, let him watch a lot of television

Tip #5: Always be interested in what and how your child is doing — but take care not to get involved doing his work for him

There is a difference between interest and involvement. The interested parent says to the child, in effect, ``I am concerned about your education, but it is ultimately your responsibility.’‘ The involved parent says, ``Your education is my responsibility.’‘

Unfortunately, too many well-intentioned parents have unwittingly accepted/appropriated responsibility for their children’s school work. The result of this parental benevolence is a child who has difficulty taking the proverbial bull by the horns. New research supports this low-involvement parenting model.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Take a load off and have a lovely parenthood!

Copyright 2025, John K. Rosemond

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